working on ahlaq pt.2 - apologies

Since the first step towards coming closer to our rabb is repenting, the very first step towards perfecting ones ahlaq is apologizing.
Most of us have a quite good working conscience and know too well when we didn't behave the way we should have, our weren't able to live up to our own standards. Some of us try to ignore the nerve-wracking knocking of our conscience on the doors of our mind, but there aren't many who are successful in doing so. So noone really should be in need to tell you whether you're right or wrong. You should be able to see it yourself in a quite moment of leaning back and pondering. If there is something bothering you - its time to rethink our actions.

But many times after sinning, being mean or simply not doing good enough we don't have the courage to stand up and fix what we have broken.
What you don't repair will remain broken. If you have an honest interest in a relationship , and that should be the case if you befriended/married the right people, you might also have an honest interest in fixing the cracks.

Even if you weren't the one who made the cracks go that deep, and even if you weren't the one who started the  conflict at all, you have with a high chance a good share in it.

So go ahead and fix it. If you can't fix it : make it less hurting. Clean your conscience, make a move and step out of you're comfort zone. Forget the ego.
The other side might be waiting for your move, struggling the same way and not being able to win over their ego. They might be looking forward to seeing you again.
The rarest separations are pleasurable. 

1) Rethink the situation :

 What have you done wrong ? What could have you done better ? What do you still stand behind ?  Why are you upset ? Why is the other side upset ? How can you change it ?

2) Rethink your relationship : 

What does the other mean to you ? Why do you like them ? Why could they be liking you ? Is the issue worth risking the relationship ?

3) Rethink your character :

 Do you often react in a way in which you wish you shouldn't ? How are you planning to change it ? 

Once you apologize for something you will be a lot less likely to repeat the same behaviour. Apologizing is never easy in the first moment. Admitting ones own faults to someone we have wronged without trying to justify is never a pleasurable experience for the first seconds. It might take some mental preparation time. But its worth it.

hüsn-i hat

I admit. I  hate  dont like art. On its own.

In my eyes art has never been something worth my while.I just couldnt see any sense in sitting down for hours and drawing, I always thought, that I was going to be asked   about where I spent my time  on the day of judgement.

But lately I was introduced to the ancient ottoman art of "hat", which changed my outlook on art completely !

The ottoman art "huesn-i hat" means art of line. Its about writing arabic letters as beautiful as possible.
I started attending a course in my local mosque a few month ago and it turned out , that I really liked it ! At first I thought "youre going to waste your time there Ayse!You are going to be asked about this!" But then it was introduced to me as a form of ibadah.

The "hattat" (writer, calligraph) is supposed to be in a constant form of remembrance of Allah as he is writing. This is why every calligrapher has to start with the dua

"My Lord facilitate , dont complicate for me. Give me goodness in my work ! "

And you can only take satisfaction and joy from this incredibly patience requiring art if you remember Allah while writing. 
Hüsn-i hat is not only the artwork you see at the end on the paper. It comes with a whole mindset.
A mindset of modesty, of humbleness and awareness of  the finiteness and irrelevance of your ego in comparison to the greatness of Allah and the concept of Islam.

You are supposed to write this until you are perfect at it. For some it might take years...
And dont be fooled, it might look easy, I love it, but the true masters of this art are never satisfied with their own work. How could they be with yours ! :)

Every letter has its own measurements, which depend on the thickness of your pen (a bamboostick, called "kamis") :) 

The ink is made out of soot, which is beaten up to 500.000 times by hand to refine it as much as possible.

Having ink made out of fine soot is important to prevent a streaky appearance. 

The process of beating the soot is called "terbiye etmek" which means edifying. The whole art is practiced with the purpose of edifying the calligrapher.May it be in patience, in discipline, accuracy or consistency...

My "hoca" (my teacher) is one of the most humble people Ive ever met. He told me, that before he started with calligraphy he used to be a very irascible person.Always in a rush, quick to act.

Hüsn-i Hat had made him patient, quiet, humble.

And it is doing the same with me. Alhamdulillah! 

I now love spending my evenings with the art of hüsn-i hat...

A hattat has to spend his life fighting his ego in order to dissolve himself in the love of his creator.He has to purify his heart in order to become nothing more than a sharpened sword of his Lord. To let his ego die to be  a lover of the Prophet (pbuh). To forget about himself in order to be a soldier on the way of Allah. 

The biggest enemy he has on this road is himself.

                               
                                         one of the best documentaries about hüsn-i hat (turkish) :)

                                                                   

                                                                     Stay humble <3 

                                                          Be in constant remembrance <3