Sunday, 6 January 2013

To the moroccan menfolk...

Tears...Tears on my face, my skirt, my blouse...Tears running down my cheeks, falling down from the tip of my nose onto the already soaked carpet..Tears on my fingertips, running down my lips and falling on my knees.. Light is falling upon me. I am in morocco. It´s Juma-time. It´s the last prayer I am performing in a muslim country.Outside the mosque, on the Jamaalfna are men standing in rows. They do the Jumaaprayer together in the burnig sun of Africa. The womensection is empty. I am alone.Left on my own with my creator.
Love and greatfulness is overwhelming me.While others struggle to survive I am having nice holidays at schooltime.I am in a muslim country and in less then a few hours I will be getting on board of the airplane, which is going to take me back to the colds, the winds and snowbound landscape of Germany.I am thankful to perform one of the most intense prayers of my life.I cry. I repent.I feel liberated.

Salah is over.I sit there.I think.I make dua.I cry...

As I go out, a few young men are standing in front of the mosque. The men , who showed me and my friend the mosque is in their rows.They are smiling and talking to me and my friend.As you may understand I am not really in the mood to talk to anybody in that moment.My face looks swollen from crying,my sight is still blurry and even for a non-believer it is quite obvious, that I am mentally not present. I feel detached from the world and understand the words the young men is telling me, but not the sentences, when my friend suddenly becomes angry.
They are asking for facebook.If I am looking for a spouse.
A few minutes later, when I am finally able to realize, what happened I decide, that I have enough of it.It makes me angry , and it makes me feel bad about myself.

Wonder what I am talking about ? Molesting women !

Before I  went to morocco I was filled with hope, that this trip would give my spirituality a boost like nothing else.Obviously I was expecting a country full of practicing muslims, where Islam was in the hearts of the people and in their everyday-life.I had forgotten, that for the morroccans Islam was not some decision they someday in their lifes made.It was more like tradition.Selfunderstanding. Nothing special anymore...

So my expectations were up to the sky.There was no other option than disappointment.
But what was the reason for my disappointment?Partly it was the empty mosques at prayertimes.It was the obvious desire of the people to westernize their country, showing on the surface through their clothing, their music, their habits, their eating, their style of talking to each other.It was that I wasnt prepared to hear the short , makamless prayercall in morocco , when I was expecting to wake up to a loud, long, heartmelting prayercall for fajr .  Reality was hard for me : I had to set my clock for fajr, I had to fight against resistances to go to the mosque in the desert or on the way I had to pray on my own. No one there to pray? In a muslim country?! Alhamdulillah there was my friend !

 Koutoubia-mosque in marrakesh

But the most shocking and disturbing thing has been one thing there : MEN and their behaviour towards women.

Men in morocco are incredibly molesting !!! They harass women, whereever they see one.I dont know, if there are good reasons for it, but there are for sure good reasons AGAINST it :

1) Its unislamic

 Nothing much to explain about that point I guess.

2) It makes women feel bad about themselves

Of course, there are women, who feel good, when men stare at them.But most of us dont.We REALLY DONT WANT YOU TO DO THIS.When we shop, we just want to shop.When take pictures, we just want to take pictures.When we go to the mosque, we just want to be with the almighty.We dont want to be asked, if we are looking for a spouse,we dont want you to say "Masaallah" ,"Beautiful" or whatever with a disgusting undertone,we dont want you to walk after us, turn your heads,whistle, beep in your cars,stop in the middle of the street to smile disgustingly or even move your eyebrows OK ? Just STOP IT !
There has been this one street in Casablanca, where I had one of the worst experiences I´ve ever had in public. We just walked down the street, and without an exception EVERY SINGLE HEAD in that street turned around,smiled,called us names.We, as 4 young women, two of us wearing long dresses and being hijabed, felt after 2 minutes as dirty and guilty as if we had done something wrong.

3)Women dont like you , if you act this way

When you ask a young women, who OBVIOUSLY is a tourist, if she is looking for a spouse, what do you think she is going to do ? What do you expect her to do ? She is going to leave your shop,leave the place you are in, and feel uncomfortable.
Women in your environment arenot going to like you, and then, when you become serious in marrying someone,no woman will be there to marry someone, who molested EVERY woman, he saw.

4)She probably is married or going to be married soon

This is just for people, who persist in talking, even if the woman is obviously uncomfortable.

I dont know how to explain , how BAD it feels, when you are molested.It´s  on of the worst situations out there, especially if you are a very kind person and dont want to hurt anyones feelings or raise your voice in public.Its even worse,if you hate to make a spectacular out of yourself.

So PLEASE MEN ! Please, for the sake of Allah  stop it !

May peace be upon you <3


  1. Assalamualaikum Ayse, you blocked me at instagram? Well, iam sorry then. Take care. Get well soon. =( nice knowing you. - Taufiqrobbins.

    1. hey taufiq ! Please dont take it personal :( I block every male on instagram . Every now and then I check through my followers to make sure there are just females :) But I like u. Ur kind of cool :) you are very polite, may Allah reward you for it :)

  2. Okay sure, no problem. I respect your decision. =) yeah you are cook too N funny at times. hahah. Do keep In touch. I would like to know more bout your culture. =)) so its okay to keep in touch here Ayse? - Taufiqrobbins.

    1. thank you for that :) definitely keep in touch :) u can contact me here at any time you like ;)

    2. Thank you so much Ayse.

    3. Assalamualaikum Ayse. How are you? -TaufiqRobbins.

    4. hey taufiq ! Im great! hope ur doing good also ;) u said, u wanted to know more about my culture :) Im going to write a new article about the ancient ottoman art of "hat" soon . hope ull like it :)

    5. Hi Ayse. Yes iam doing good too. =) Yes I wanted to know more bout your culture. InsyaAllah I will like it. =) Hey Ayse, Take care okay... =) Am waiting for your next post! Assalamualaikum. -Taufiqrobbins

  3. Salaam sis, yes it's sad that this happens in a so called muslim country :( May Allah lead them all...

  4. Alsalaamu alykum Ayse, just discovered your blog via youtube 'unmosqued' film. I actually read ppl's comments. Anyway, beautiful blog and I agree whole heartily the sad reality of Muslim men in some of these Muslim countries lacking not just their basic humanity, but honor and protective instinct towards Muslim women. How can we talk about implementing 'shariah' when the fundamental 'adaab=character and manners' of a Muslim needs to develop and strengthened. Only Muslim country I visited was in Turkey, Qatar and UAE, loved Istanbul and the Turkish ppl.

  5. Interesting...for me it looks like putting an open glas of honey outside and getting angry when bees come flying...

    1. No I dont think that this is a legit comparison . In consequence of your argument women should not be allowed to live their lifes ,just because they are women. I dont talk about unmodest clothing or behaviour, but if a sister is clothed islamically and behaves modest, there is no reason to molest her .

  6. oh i think its quite a legit comparison, and please dont start with emancipathic arguments with which the majority of ppl, sadly even muslims are brainwashed by unbelievers in oder to get us away from our religion, and we see the consequence by the state of muslims today. No one said women are not allowed to live their lives but we have our beautiful religion that sets us limits in our own interest and protection, you go out of limits then blame yourself. Women can live perfectly happy life under Islamic regulations, in fact Muslim women who adhere to the religion the most, are truely happy in contrast to western women who only look like being happy from outside. And your clothing and making a display of yourself throughout the internet is not islamic and modest at all. And you are critisizing the maroccan young men of getting westernized whereas one can see such elements in your actions and thoughts as well. Do you think if our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam saw this kinds ofthings he wouldnt mind? Indeed he would, as it is indicated in number of saheeh ahadeeth from him, how did the women in time of our prophet used to dress? they wouldnt show their faces except to their mahrams, and they would wear a large cloak over their garments, and your clothes what you r wearing outside, would be considered as undergarments which they would show only to women or mahrams, so we have clear regulations of womens' clothing in islam. And i didnt say that there is a reason to molest, but its the nature of men to get attracted to opposite sex (at least in most of times) and Allah is aware of that nature thats why he made us those regulations, if we obey then we are protected with the help of Allah, and if not, well as i said, blame yourself. And please dont get insulted by my comment, i have no intention to insult or critisize but my intention is only naseeha for your own benifit, because when a muslim sees wrong things in a brother or sister, he/she should point it out and call to the rightousness, it is called nahee an munkar, and it is very important action that shouldnt be abandoned as stated in sahih ahadeeth. U can delete my comment after reading because i dont want to expose you in front of others. Think about my comment, especially when u pray tahajjud and ask Allah to guide you. wassalamu alaykum

    1. wa alaikumuassalam sister. I am not going to delete your comment, because it is perfectly fine and I actually agree with most of your points.Displaying myself to the outer world through the internet might be really wrong.You migt be right on that point, BUT that doesnt have ANYTHING to do with how I act in real life.And that is the point.I dress appropriate,I act modest, I lower my gaze.And I also expect it from the opposite gender.This has nothing to do with emancipation in fact I am trying to show, that there is something going on in islamic countries, which is not islamic at all.Because if you have read the post completely you might have noticed, that the molestation has become RIDICULOUS. I came out of the mosque, completely detached from the world and even there....Its not about sisters acting unmodest and attentionseeking and afterwards complaining fakeishly.Its about women, who REALLY act modest and still are molested in 126432718 ways.May Allah reward you for your comment, being actually on the topic.Those have been thoughts,Ive also had, but I came to the conclusion,that it is just not valid for me,as I am always wearing clothing,that doesnt show my body,walking humble and not raising my voice in public.The only comments I delete are the ones,which are not on the topic and the usual superficial "Oh youre pretty"-stuff :) May Allah guide us all, I will think about it once more :)Have a nice day insaallah

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  8. Salam sis,

    Also found your blog through the unmosqued trailer. First post I read and I have to say I can only agree with what you've said. However unfortunately it is not just a problem in Morocco or the Muslim world, while the behaviour might indeed be more prevalent there, you will find this happening everywhere. As a previous commenter said a part of it is due to the missing adab. Which first and foremost is our obligation to develop, then that of the family, then that of the local mosque and then of the wider society.

    Nowadays, you often won't find the support of the local mosques and the wider society, adding to that families are breaking down, where is this good adab going to come from?
    MashaAllah, I have been granted the blessing of finding a good mosque wherever I live, my local mosque has in the past organised tarbiyya courses and that is what we need including good friends, who are there for you in good and bad times. Who at times when everything is going good, remind you that all thanks and praise is due to Allah swt. and at bad times to give you support and remind you that in the end, the only one that can truly help you is Allah swt.

    For most people, majority of the time, the Quran is not where it is supposed to be, in the heart. Quran and Sunnah has given us the mindset to tackle everything in this world but are we ready to seek it and then act on it?
    The Quran tells us to lower our gaze, it does not matter to us, what the opposite is wearing or not wearing.
    The obligation is to us first, then we may give advice (in a good way obv.)
    I'll stop here lol don't wanna write an essay.

    Wieso hast du dich entschieden mehrheitlich auf englisch zu schreiben? :P
    Ich bin recht neu in der Blogosphaere, obwohl ich 2009 ein paar posts geschrieben hab, hast du irgendwelche tipps und wen wuerdest du zum followen vorschlagen?

    Wa Salam,


    1. Assalamu alaikum Abdur-Rahman ! :)

      "For most people, majority of the time, the Quran is not where it is supposed to be, in the heart."
      Yes, exactly thats it.I couldnt agree with you more.The point is, that you are not able to see this, as long as you havent experienced how it feels, when you REALLY have only ALLAH(swt) in your heart.I myself havent experienced this through my environment, family etc. and I thought I was a good practicing muslim a few years ago.In reality, I was just imitating what I saw, not sincerely questioning my intentions. All praise is due to Allah , that HE gave me the noor of Iman and the opportunity to question myself.I think most of the muslims nowadays are in this state of mere imitation and lipservice. This I think, is our only problem. I think a lot about it. How to deliver this message as gentle yet effective as possible to people ? Then again I think, I am so flawed and really dont have the time bother with other peoples lifes, as I have to work on myself in the first place. Lol , I think I just started to drift into the Gazali- Sufi kind of mindset.
      "The Quran tells us to lower our gaze, it does not matter to us, what the opposite is wearing or not wearing." Summed up what I tried to say. Jazakaallah :) Im thankful for your comment hehehe really I love people writing long comments, as it shows me, that they really THINK and reflect about the topic ! May Allah grant us all a deep understanding of Islam .
      Magst du mir nicht einen Link hinterlassen ? :D Naja, ich wollte unbedingt, dass mein Blog international ist. Ich wollte alle erreichen, auch wenn das ZIEMLICH naiv ist, gibt mir das Englische die Möglichket mit Muslimen weltweit zu kommunizieren :D Ich bin ein großer Anhänger der Ummah, der Einheit und des Austauschs. Die Ummah muss zusammenkommen und Grenzen der Nationalität oder politischen Gesinnung überwinden, um wirklich den Islam zu leben :) Eigentlich verdammt traurig, dass wir nicht alle arabisch sprechen, das sollte unsere einheitliche Sprache werden , aber ich spreche leider kein arabisch :( Das Ziel habe ich aber schon seit meiner Kindheit, ich werde insaallah dieses Jahr nach meinen Abiprüfungen beginnen. Ich freue mich unglaublich darauf ^^
      Leider bin ich auch nicht so aktiv in der Blogosphäre, eher einer dieser Gelegenheitsschreiber, die ein zu ausgeprägtes Mitteilungsbedürfnis und ungebrochenen Idealismus haben :) Wenn du mir eine twitter oder emailadresse oder ähnliches hinterlässt, schicke ich dir eine kleine Zusammenstellung meiner favorisierten Seiten :)
      Wassalam ! :)

    2. Salam :)

      And the strength and steadfastness to act on that understanding.
      No doubt everything starts with a change in oneself and one will probably be in a process of "evolving" to be the best one can be, for all of ones life.
      I remember a good lecture by AbdelRahman Murphy ( don't know if you know him, where he talked about starting the process of revolution, with some practical steps. Such as stopping to be in denial, checking what one lets into the heart and keeping a diary or journal to reflect and to be the friend you want to have. He also said that this is the best way to affect the people around us. The Prophet saw. was called Al-Sadiq, Al-Amin for 40 years before he received the message, many of the sahaba rah. were trusted and revered by their peers. What I'm trying to say is that often you don't need to tell people anything, they will see it.

      Und ja klar hier (es ist noch nicht wirklich offiziell gelauncht :P ) und @Mu610,

      Ich weiss was du meinst mit dem Arabischen, ich hab mich jetzt dazu entschlossen serious damit zu sein, ich hatte die letzten 2-3 Jahre arabisch unterricht hatte aber nicht wirklich Zeit es zu vertiefen und hab alles vergessen. Vor einigen Wochen hab ich mich auf (Nouman Ali Khan) angemeldet $11 pro Monat. Und kann nur wow sagen, jeden Tag ungefaehr ein video 20 min. es gibt ein trial von 5 videos dannach dachte ich mir schon OMA. Es ist so aufgebaut das er seine Tochter unterrichtet und damit gleichzeitig dem Viewer. Viel Grammatik am Anfang und erstmal wenig vokabular aber dass kommt. Gefaellt mir echt :)
      Werd auch endlich inshaAllah die Chance haben diesen Sommer nach Aegypten zu fliegen um mit einem Lehrer zu lernen und unter die Leute zu kommen, daher dachte ich, ich frisch es schonmal ein bisschen auf. Viel Erfolg mit deinen Abi Pruefungen inshaAllah.
      Wa Salam :D