benefitting from the blessed early hours

During the last weeks I established a new morning routine for myself. I was planning this for a long time, but I never really had the strength and willpower to put it into action .

I now wake up a lot earlier.To be a little bit more accurate : at 4:30 am .

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

“The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: ‘O Allah, bless my Ummah in the mornings.’ 

[Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah]

No I am not kidding.It is in fact one of the best habits I´ve ever developed! And I recommend it to absolutely everyone out there ! <3

Now lets have a quick look, at what my mornings usually look like :)

4:30 am 

My phone is telling me to wake up with the most nervewracking tone I could find.I take it and there is the snooth-Button.mmmhhhh looks so tempting to press it right now.Just 5 more min! Just 5 min, right?

But we all know, that it is those 5 min in which you either wake up to have a great productive day or just sleep for several hours...

So dont cheat.Get up.
I go to the bathroom, take wudu and go back to my room to pray.There is nothing better to start off your day than with prayer and dua.
Afterwards you should be completely awake. At least I am. ;)

4:50 - 5-30 am 

Now I´ll usually go downstairs and straight into the kitchen.

The first thing I´ll do is drinking a glass o water and then drinking a few drops o black cumin oil, according to the sunnah of our prophet.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

“The Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: ‘O Allah, bless my Ummah in the mornings.’ [Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah]

Im a huge breakfast-fan and never go out without eating something. So I prepare something nice for myself, which usually is a huge bowl of fruits with oatmeal and milk.

The breakfast is my biggest meal of the day.I just combine every sort of fruit I can find. 

A typical Ayse-breakfast :

1 apple                  10 grapes

1 banana                 handfull of almonds or walnuts

1 Orange                a few raisins

1 mandarin              oatmeal and milk 

Then I will just grab my newspaper or the book I am currently reading and read it.With the oatmeal-fruit-combo I´ll usually have 1,5 l of tea and a few glasses of water.Afterwards Im usually quite full and dont feel hungry anymore.A lot of people told me, that I eat extremely big portions for a girl my size and for that time of the day.Well yes, thats true,but I eat healthy food and am used to eat much for breakfast, so if you arent much of a breakfast-type I can understand your point here. But you should definitely fill in the tanks with some carbohydrates in the morning :)

5.30-6.30 am

Now its time to exercise ! Dont be like the girl on the right, when you read the word "exercise". Its important.It makes you feel great.It prevents sickness and injuries of every sort.

And the most important thing is: Our bodies are just borrowed, they´re just vehicles we use for our souls.So your body has certain rights.And its first right is to be looked after.

Be thankful for your body, it does whatever you would like it to do for you.

And just look how much mercy Allah had, when he created us and arranged it for us, that we would keep our bodies healthy through mere usage of it! Subhanallah ! 

It doesnt really matter which exercise you do , as long as it suits the needs of your body.

I personally like rope-skipping, jogging and every type of cardio. Unfortunately I am injured.My left knee has a whole in the cartilage.Thats the reason, why I cant jogg that much and have to do muscle-building exercises for my legs, to support the injured cartilage. 

I had three surgeries for my knee, it was and is horrible for such an active person like me, so I take care. I really really really dont want to undergo surgery a fourth time. 

6.30-7.30 am

Well after having a good workout I go into the shower. That takes around ten minutes. Then Ill pray one more time and start preparing for the day.It can happen, that I just forgot to do some homework, which Ill do then at this time.After snacking on something little and making dua the last time Ill leave for school :)

 Prepare for the day . Make sure u dont forget your hijab :)

I benefitted so much from waking
 up early. 
I used to be this person :

Never again insaallah! 

When others are still sleepy and tired, I am in a good mood  and awake!

So go ahead and set your clock to an earlier time than usually :)
And tell me what your morning-routine looks like ! Im curious about your mornings ! :)

May peace be upon you <3

To the moroccan menfolk...

Tears...Tears on my face, my skirt, my blouse...Tears running down my cheeks, falling down from the tip of my nose onto the already soaked carpet..Tears on my fingertips, running down my lips and falling on my knees.. Light is falling upon me. I am in morocco. It´s Juma-time. It´s the last prayer I am performing in a muslim country.Outside the mosque, on the Jamaalfna are men standing in rows. They do the Jumaaprayer together in the burnig sun of Africa. The womensection is empty. I am alone.Left on my own with my creator.
Love and greatfulness is overwhelming me.While others struggle to survive I am having nice holidays at schooltime.I am in a muslim country and in less then a few hours I will be getting on board of the airplane, which is going to take me back to the colds, the winds and snowbound landscape of Germany.I am thankful to perform one of the most intense prayers of my life.I cry. I repent.I feel liberated.

Salah is over.I sit there.I think.I make dua.I cry...

As I go out, a few young men are standing in front of the mosque. The men , who showed me and my friend the mosque is in their rows.They are smiling and talking to me and my friend.As you may understand I am not really in the mood to talk to anybody in that moment.My face looks swollen from crying,my sight is still blurry and even for a non-believer it is quite obvious, that I am mentally not present. I feel detached from the world and understand the words the young men is telling me, but not the sentences, when my friend suddenly becomes angry.
They are asking for facebook.If I am looking for a spouse.
A few minutes later, when I am finally able to realize, what happened I decide, that I have enough of it.It makes me angry , and it makes me feel bad about myself.


Wonder what I am talking about ? Molesting women !

Before I  went to morocco I was filled with hope, that this trip would give my spirituality a boost like nothing else.Obviously I was expecting a country full of practicing muslims, where Islam was in the hearts of the people and in their everyday-life.I had forgotten, that for the morroccans Islam was not some decision they someday in their lifes made.It was more like tradition.Selfunderstanding. Nothing special anymore...


So my expectations were up to the sky.There was no other option than disappointment.
But what was the reason for my disappointment?Partly it was the empty mosques at prayertimes.It was the obvious desire of the people to westernize their country, showing on the surface through their clothing, their music, their habits, their eating, their style of talking to each other.It was that I wasnt prepared to hear the short , makamless prayercall in morocco , when I was expecting to wake up to a loud, long, heartmelting prayercall for fajr .  Reality was hard for me : I had to set my clock for fajr, I had to fight against resistances to go to the mosque in the desert or on the way I had to pray on my own. No one there to pray? In a muslim country?! Alhamdulillah there was my friend !

 Koutoubia-mosque in marrakesh


But the most shocking and disturbing thing has been one thing there : MEN and their behaviour towards women.


Men in morocco are incredibly molesting !!! They harass women, whereever they see one.I dont know, if there are good reasons for it, but there are for sure good reasons AGAINST it :

1) Its unislamic

 Nothing much to explain about that point I guess.

2) It makes women feel bad about themselves

Of course, there are women, who feel good, when men stare at them.But most of us dont.We REALLY DONT WANT YOU TO DO THIS.When we shop, we just want to shop.When take pictures, we just want to take pictures.When we go to the mosque, we just want to be with the almighty.We dont want to be asked, if we are looking for a spouse,we dont want you to say "Masaallah" ,"Beautiful" or whatever with a disgusting undertone,we dont want you to walk after us, turn your heads,whistle, beep in your cars,stop in the middle of the street to smile disgustingly or even move your eyebrows OK ? Just STOP IT !
There has been this one street in Casablanca, where I had one of the worst experiences I´ve ever had in public. We just walked down the street, and without an exception EVERY SINGLE HEAD in that street turned around,smiled,called us names.We, as 4 young women, two of us wearing long dresses and being hijabed, felt after 2 minutes as dirty and guilty as if we had done something wrong.

3)Women dont like you , if you act this way

When you ask a young women, who OBVIOUSLY is a tourist, if she is looking for a spouse, what do you think she is going to do ? What do you expect her to do ? She is going to leave your shop,leave the place you are in, and feel uncomfortable.
Women in your environment arenot going to like you, and then, when you become serious in marrying someone,no woman will be there to marry someone, who molested EVERY woman, he saw.

4)She probably is married or going to be married soon

This is just for people, who persist in talking, even if the woman is obviously uncomfortable.

I dont know how to explain , how BAD it feels, when you are molested.It´s  on of the worst situations out there, especially if you are a very kind person and dont want to hurt anyones feelings or raise your voice in public.Its even worse,if you hate to make a spectacular out of yourself.

So PLEASE MEN ! Please, for the sake of Allah  stop it !

May peace be upon you <3

Impressions from morocco

I´ve been to morocco for a week ! It was amazing and gave me so much new impressions and I really liked Marrakesh, where I spent most of my time :) Travelling is such a great way to learn !

 I stayed in the Amani Residence in Marrakech. I can recommmend it without any doubts, it was great. If I ever visit Marrakech again, I will go to the same hotel !

 

 




Casablanca and its mosque Hasan II. ..

   

 Lets LOL together at this pic of me.Looking like walking death.All the travelling obviously got me xD

I also made a trip to the desert...

 There is no better place for praying, than the under the stars of the desert...

 It was not only fun, but I enjoyed it alot.Dont know, why the camera is making the pictures so bright -_-

I want to visit the place again....One day insaallah <3

                                    May peace be upon you <3

perfecting myself / wie mich der perfektionismus einholte

As you may have noticed,I write alot.A LOT.And because I´m so selfish I mostly write about myself. So this is a text I found in a little booklet I have.I write stuff in this booklet now and then.Just when I feel like I need to.And I now it sounds superweird, but I also like to read my own texts. It is super interesting to see if you made progress in your life.I just rediscovered this text, which I wrote a few months ago after Ramadan.It is about perfectionism. I wrote it in German and will try to translate it, but I´ll at first publish the text in German , because I feel like I am waaaaaaay better in expressing my thoughts and feelings in German (as I´m logically used to it a lot more).

The text is very personal and gives quite a deep insight .It does take a lot of willpower to publish this for me,but I think it does express good what I mean and everyone struggles now and then with the burden of perfectionism.If you dont- you are probably waaaaaaay to confident and proud of yourself, and thats probably  the worst thing you can do for your life here and hereafter.

Berlin, 16.10.2012, at home    it´s nearly midnight...Ayse is writing :


Ich habe mein Leben aufgeteilt in Abteilungen.Wie ein Unternehmen führe ich mein Leben mit akribischer Sorgfalt und bin ständig am Abwägen und Perektionieren.Alles muss perfekt sein.Drunter geht es nicht mehr, denn meine Maxime scheint geworden zu das Beste zu machen.Nicht was mich zufriedenstellt oder gut ist, sondern das Beste.Ob mich das Perfekte dann glücklich macht?Nur selten, im Gegensatz zu dem Aufwand, den ich betreibe verschwindend gering.Die Rechnugen, die ich mache stimmen nicht mehr.Die Gleichung von Aufwand und Ertrag scheint immer schwerer auf die eine Seite zu kippen.Doch das Ärgerliche daran ist,dass ich genau wegen meiner Erwartung an mich überall das Beste herauszuholen,mich niemals in irgendeiner Disziplin zu Höchstleistungen emporschwingen kann.Selbst Dinge, die mir spielend einfach erschienen und mir Spaß machten, in denen ich schon bei meinen Standards auf höchstem Niveau stand und ohne großen Aufwand mit   Stolz (was für ein schreckliches aber süchtig machendes Gefühl) und Genugtuung meine eigenen Leistungen und Rekorde anderer mit dem lockeren Lächeln des gewissen Sieges noch übertrumpfte,sorgen nun in meinem Hirn für Rechnungen. Lohnt es sich?Was gewinne ich? Was verliere ich?Was ist das Risiko,das ich eingehe?

Abgesehen davon,dass ich sowieso durch die mir wahrscheinlich fehlende Reife und den Weitblick zum größten Teil falsche Rechnungen aufstelle und damit falsche Prioritäten setze,hat dieses Rechenfaible mich das gekostet,was mich und 
auch jeden anderen Menschen antreibt : Leidenschaft.

Die Passion, mit der ich die Dinge verfolgte war unglaublich.Die unglaublichen langen, hitzigen, etwas kindischen Debatten, die ich führte, waren keine Seltenheit.Im Rückblick entstanden gerade in solchen Debatten die brilliantesten Ideen und Verknüpfungen.Nun bin ich so kühl geworden.
Sicher, es hat mich auch vorangebracht.Meine Gebete sind nun endlich konstant.Ich faste Montags und Donnerstags.Formalitäten kriege ich schnell und einfach geregelt und mein Essverhalten ist nun besser.

Doch gleichzeitig ist mein Stresslevel unglaublich angestiegen, dabei streite ich prinzipiell nicht mehr.Vielmehr bürdet mir der Lebensstil aus allem eine hitzige Debatte IM Kopf zu machen eine unglaubliche Last auf.Früher fanden solche Diskussionen höchstens zwischen mir und Gegnern stat.Ich hatte immer eine klare Position.Das war zwar dumm aber auch unglaublich einfach und befriedigend.Nun sind Zerwürfnisse IN mir.Und nicht genug damit, dass immer alles zu einem Entweder-Oder mit Weltuntergangsszenario wird und mich geistig ausgelaugt und ermüdet zurücklässt.Nein - nun habe ich auch noch die lästige Eigenschaft entwickelt alle meine Taten, statt sie ruhen zu lassen, ständig zu reflektieren.Aus allen möglichen Perspektiven mit zig Hintergründen eine Entscheidung immer und immer wieder aufzurollen um sie bis in den letzten Winkel zu durchleuchten strengt unglaublich an und lässt immer wieder dieses dumpfe Gefühl zurück.Man denkt es hätte besser sein können oder vielleicht entpuppt es sich doch als falsch.Selbst in diesem Augenblick denke ich daran mit dem Schreiben aufzuhören,da ja auf der anderen Seite kein "Ertrag" steht.Als wäre es nicht der größte Ertrag sich Dinge von der Seele zu schreiben.
Warum denke ich so abstrakt?Vielleicht mangelt es mir einfach an konkreten Problemen.Habe ich wirklich keine Probleme...? .... Hmmmm. Nein. Selbst nach einer Weile Nachdenken fällt mir hier nichts ein.Andere würden hier wohl das Abitur anführen.Oder den Führerschein oder so was.Dadurch fühlt sich doch ein Mensch in meinem Alter unter Druck gesetzt.Von Schule,Freunden,Familie.....Ich hingegen fühle mich erniedrigt von meinen eigenen Ansprüchen an mich selbst.Und woher kommt jetzt wieder der Anspruch an mich so zu sein wie die Anderen?Gottverdammt wo zur Hölle habe ich dieses Denkmodell aufgeschnappt? Oder sehe ich lediglich Gespenster und analysiere meine nüchtern betrachtet vielleicht ganz normalen Gedankengänge zu genau? Ich habe keine Antwort auf diese Frage.Ich weiß nur, dass diese Anstrengungen in Bereichen, die Disziplin und Kontinuität erfordern hervorragend funktionieren.

Das Ärgerlichste ist, dass ich weiß, dass dieses Denkmodell von außen möglicherweise herangetragen aber auf keinen Fall implementiert wurde. Ich allein war die Person,die es adaptierte und mit meinen eigenen Erwartungen bestückte.Und weil ich hoffte so um einiges bessere Resultate zu erlangen, steckte ich meine ungeschriebenen Ziele (denn ich glaube insgeheim war mein Ziel immer das eigene Ziel noch zu übertreffen, also nach oben hin offen und dadurch unerfüllbar) im Übereifer unfassbar hoch und das in allen Aspekten meines Lebens.
Ich bin radikal und ich glaube noch immer an die Macht,die Heilkraft und Richtigkeit von Radikalität, doch das perfektionistische Ich mit dem ich ständig kämpfe scheint sich dagegen zu sträuben.So suchte ich mich radikal zu perfektionieren.Doch was ist der Reiz des Perfekten wenn er erzwungen ist?Ich verlor ehrliche Gefühle, nichts erregt mehr mein Gemüt. Durch das sture Abarbeiten meines Masterplans, bin ich kaum mehr in der Lage Freude an Etappensiegen darin zu empfinden.So zerreibe ich mich zwischen meinen eigenen Ansprüchen.



Well thats it basically. If you found it funny -shame on you it was a hard time for me.Luckily I dont feel like this any more.I dont know how, but I got rid of it !




So the next time when your brain is like : You could´ve done better! 







                                 
                                                                        Be like  .....






UUUUUUUHHHHM . Probably next time ok ? : D 

May peace be upon you <3

sadness in the mosque...nobody there?

Have you ever been to  the mosque during a normal day? Not at the weekend and not for the eveningprayer? Have you ever done that? No? Why ? And if you did : What has the situation been  , that you´ve been confronted with?

Did you see a mosque flourishing , full of life, filled with so much people , that it was nearly exploding?

During the last weeks I had some lessons in school being cancelled, so I had a little bit of free time.I could have learned a little bit in this time or chilled  with some friends or something completely different. I chose the last option and went to the mosque.

The mosque is to be honest in a distance of about a good 10 minutes.So its very close to my school,but I never even did spent a thought before on going there in my free time.I dont know why, probably because it was a lot more fun to hang out with my friends.Probably because that satisfied me enough and I did not look for alternatives.But somehow three weeks ago I went there.

I wasn´t expecting the mosque to be full, but I was expecting at least a few old people there.

When I arrived the mosque .... was c l o s e d.

OK .... I want to be fair. The mosque is quite a big, central one and in the area of the mosque live THOUSANDS of muslims.The mosque itself was opened, but the part for women was closed. I had to find someone to open it for me and finding someone was really hard.When I finally was inside the big , freezingly cold hall and I looked down and saw the carpet....I sat down. And I started crying.

I cried for a long time. It was one of the most intimate moments with ALLAH. I cried for myself and I cried for the ummah.People had chosen to leave the mosques and live their lifes in their private rooms.They had betrayed the mosques. And the worst thing about it was : I was one of those people.

Dont get me wrong.I go to the mosque now and then.Youll find me in some mosque at least two or three times a week.But I was never actively planning to go to the mosque.To stay there, to do something for the mosque...I was just rushing in, doing salah and rushing out.

And now I want to ask the ummah, in first place myself : Where have you been when salah-time arrived? Where have you been while the mosques were suffering from financial problems? What caused you to do your salah at home? ON YOUR OWN . ALONE ?

I want to ask everyone, especially the old ladies in retirement : Where have you been? Who told you to stay at home? Wasn´t the first thing to work for, the priority of priorities after worshipping ALLAH , the unity of the ummah ? So who told you, that you would do something for unity through sitting at home on you own

or with some friends, gossiping about other people? 

A mosque lives just as much as it is visited by the believers.

The mosque offers  the most beautiful place for you, your children, your family to pray, to learn, to network.It is the place of productivity and love. It is time for us to go back to our local mosques and turn them into the places , they deserve to be and used to be for hundreds and hundreds of years of muslim history : the center of a muslims life.

I now go to the mosque more often at uncomfortable times.Stand up and go ahead.Pray the next salah-time at your local mosque! You will be amazed <3

May peace be upon you <3 

 

why is fasting never an option?

"Three...two...one...everybody on the dates ! Azan is calling ! Azan is calling! "

Oh lovely Ramadan!Why are you gone so fast every time? I love you ! I love you so much from the depth of my heart! The spiritual atmosphere in Ramadan is very special.So deep and  authentic.Life is so much more worthless in comparison to akhirah in my eyes during Ramadan. In Ramadan I can do EVERYTHING I want. During Ramadan I feel great and I get rid of bad habits.


So why is fasting never really an option for us in daily life? I mean, we are making dua all day every day, we pray 5 times a day (during Ramadan I did even 6 times a day . Tahajjud is sooo great , but I´m going to write a different post about that later). And all that is good and completely fine...but why do we never think of fasting during normal days? WHY ? It´s like a mega-event if we do it (or Ramadan obviously :D). Well, let me tell you a story...As I always do  : D

During Ramadan (by far the most intense one of my entire life, guess I´m just starting to mature and be aware of everything more finally) I felt so good.I felt not only connected , but even like BEST FRIENDS with a ton of respect and a little bit fear towards ALLAH (c.c.). His love fulfilled me and I felt completely detached from the world.I felt like the only thing I needed was ALLAH. And I felt like he was honestly the one and only that I really wanted. And I wanted him desperately.
My life seemed to be so perfect.Everything improved from the first day.The world was so nice to me, because I was nice to the world.Success seemed to be increased in every aspect of my little life. I felt no hate. I didn't feel any bad feelings at all. I felt just love.Pure love.Pure, crystal clear and innocent. People told me , that I would glow and spread so much love even without saying something.
Not only mental and spiritual it was a month of success, but also health wise. My health was like up to 3000% . OK , I´m guilty I admit I didnt exercise ( I still don't, but definitely should) but I lost a good amount of weight. I ate zero junk, but replaced it with delicious fresh vegetables, fruits and nuts.I ate less, but had like double or three times the energy.

My productivitylevel was up the sky. 

   

When I look back, what I have done everything I still don't know HOW I managed it, but everything was so easy...
I read so much.And let me tell you something.I´m a little bookworm, since I can remember myself.I loved to read thrillers and novels and trivial stuff like that, which is not really hard to read right?But the moment you start reading Islamic or even scientific books the whole issue becomes a little bit different right? Well, not for me anymore ! I didn't only quited reading trivial literature and replaced it with Islamic or scientific books, but also increased the amount I read + I started taking notes and using a highlighter i n my books! And people it works WONDERS ! So highlight in your books and take notes ! 



So I thought . What was the source of my energy and well being in this month ? And I came to the conclusion that it was two things:
1) Fasting (and that means also awareness of god and transience) 
2) The ability to do what I really WANT, because there is no shaytan I had to fight 

So since I don't have any influence on aspect Number 2 I decided to focus on number one.Fasting.
I decided that I wanted to have the same energy in my life for the whole year so I would fast.
And I did. I did Shevval and then a couple days more as  just good deeds.And it worked perfectly! With fasting I realised how much time and effort I actually spent on preparing and eating junk stuff, that was bad for me in every way just because I was bored. The moment you fast and you know you wont eat till sun goes down, you automatically stop wasting your time thinking about it! It saved me so much time !

But I was scared that it would become normal for me and just like my "eating-habit"  . I didn't want it to be effortless and super easygoing. I still wanted to have at least SOME struggle doing it.I wanted to make an effort,because my intention was to please ALLAH and not developing a new eating-culture. So I looked up  a few hadiths.And I found some , which say that our Prophet (s.a.v.) used to fast Mondays and Thursdays.As   someone said, that he could fast more, he replied that fasting his way is the best. So I did it. And it works perfectly. I recommend fasting to everyone and hope to practise this for hopefully the rest of my life... Insaallah  if Allah is willing .

May peace be upon you <3

Your fasting Ayse